If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
