Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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