Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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