The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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