He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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