I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
