He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The air was thick with penises
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
