the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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