Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i drank out of a bidet.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
