Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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