He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
