The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
