My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
high people should be assigned attendants
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
