Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
