My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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