You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
a search helicopter?!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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