More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
