so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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