Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
