I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
