wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".