I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
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He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend