Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
