cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
