Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
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Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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