You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
