respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
