Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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