Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
