the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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