Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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