By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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