Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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