if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
