i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
where are you?
Hypothermia
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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