the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
