I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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