College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
