i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
