I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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