Pants 0. Shit 1.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
