It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
