she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
