I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
