I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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