I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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