You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
