You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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