Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
