My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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