YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
