Kiss
Puke
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
