We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
