i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize