And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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