I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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