"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
