If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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