i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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