Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
