You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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