cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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