help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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