seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
