before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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