don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
