If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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