bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
